The old man next door to me, P, seemed like such a sweetie at the start, wanting to know where the previous resident was, popping in and watering the garden now and then, moving stuff around. He was the first person i talked to in the complex, and we’ve had a few good chats. His life is pretty hard and his health isnt good either. He says his wife gives him a really hard time. I often hear them arguing in a language i cant identify. Or rather, i often hear her shouting at him, and his calm, quiet replies. I felt sorry for him, and wondered what could cause his wife to shout like that so loudly and regularly.

More recently, ive had a chance to get to know him better, and i see the possibility of a different perspective. He still comes in and does stuff in my garden, which annoys me somewhat, and ive let him know that i can and do take care of it, but it still happens. He is currently asking me every time he sees me to make some changes to the plants out the front of my place, which he has told me I am responsible for. EVERY TIME HE SEES ME. My reminders that “we’ve talked about this before”, asking if we are going to talk about this everytime we meet, and attempts to change the subject are like water off a duck’s back. Its not a memory issue.

The other day tho, as i was leaving the house, i noticed he was ‘supervising’ some plumbing being done out in his garden. I heard P’s quiet voice, and the much stronger voice of the plumber replying “I KNOW how I need to do it!” followed by P’s voice again, and the plumber much louder this time: “I KNOW what tools I need!!!” I chuckled to myself, but I didnt escape a reminding from P as i walked past: “Oh, hello J-ster, you know you havent taken out that bush yet, you just need to ....”

Now when i hear his wife shouting at him, i imagine her saying “STOP NAGGING ME FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!!!” and his calm voice replying “Yes but...”

BTW, if you are wondering how I, as the conflict management student, plan to resolve the issue of the plant out the front, well this is what im thinking: I actually dont like gardening and with my black thumbs its a minor miracle that the garden hasnt died yet. He is bored and lonely, and loves gardeing. I dont have any money to replace the patch out the front with more roses, which is what id like to do, but i suspect he would love to. Most of my problem with the situation is territorial, which i kinda dont regard as being that important. I thought i might invite him to make the changes he wants to, and see if we can agree on him replanting with roses. The reason why i havent done this yet is because i am concerned that if i give him an inch, he will take a mile and i will lose control of my garden completely. Still thinking.

• T said on 06/05/10 at 02:55 PM.....

  I have noticed that I have an annoying tendancy to second guess the people around me. I know I need to nip this in the bud as I will turn into a nagger when I am old and crusty. 

  The problem is that my brain just goes there on auto-pilot, I am just trying to train my mouth not to follow through… the people around me are thoroughly capable to handle the stuff (eg on camping and organising all the stuff that goes on in a group camp-site) but for some reason my brain wants to think through every detail and not allow others to think for themselves.  So I just try to stop the bossiness from leaving my mouth as I am not sure I can turn off that nesting part of my brain.

  
  Does conflict management help with the internal conflicts of brain and mouth?

   

• ian mac said on 06/05/11 at 03:06 PM.....

  I can bring you a bag of cement and in the dead of night we can dig up said bush and replace with nice smooth cement, with maybe an inscription, RIP, P ! xx